I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
