Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
