last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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