Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
