i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
