when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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