She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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