WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
