i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
