I'm going to jail i love you
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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