I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
