I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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