Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
