yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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