So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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