I want to have your abortion
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
