Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
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Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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