there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
