Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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