I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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