I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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