there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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