Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He did a backflip because drugs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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