just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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