I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
