Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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