Apparently you make a good broom.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize