Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
