I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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