New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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