I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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