wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
nutella sex= disaster
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
