I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
