It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
