Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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