Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I love having hate sex.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
