I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
