I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
