He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
