Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
