why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I lost the right to judge tonight
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
