He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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