mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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