I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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