so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
