Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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