Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
