Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
