I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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