Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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