I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
