This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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