I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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