Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
