I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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