Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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