He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize
