I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I wear drunk well.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
