Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
