I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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