if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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