Sober January is a disaster.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
