WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
