I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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