herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
