This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
