thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize