saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
